Bring Your Flask When Invited to Your Nephew’s Sixteenth Birthday Party

If you didn’t already know, you should definitely bring your flask when invited to your nephew’s sixteenth birthday party! The time has come for another family-oriented birthday party. Your wife’s sister’s son is now sixteen, and the family is gathering at your sister-in-law’s home for a Saturday afternoon… cookout/pool party/birthday party and of course….a family complaining session. We all know what that means…some female cousin of your wife will go on and on and on about her recent “procedures” to keep young, or at least her vain attempt to “try to keep looking young.” Sounds like you could use a drink.

cookout - dan previte

Credit: Dan Previte

Let’s not forget that your wife’s folks will be there too, and are sure to criticize you for no reason. And if that’s not bad enough, a niece of yours who is eight years old, will annoy you and keep asking you to show her a magic trick, because you showed her the one trick you learned in high school, two years ago when she was six. There will be other kids and relatives there, oops, but wait a minute… your sister-in-law and brother-in-law are now on this “church kick” and they don’t drink any more. In fact, they do not even have anything in the house except soda, juice, weak coffee, and something that resembles iced tea, but does not taste like iced tea. Is this bad enough?

Yikes, you almost feel like crawling back into bed, or you’re wishing they would call you into work to help with an urgent situation! At least then you wouldn’t have to deal with family and complaining.

Credit: Flickr (Username: Joris-Jan van den Boom)

Credit: Flickr (Username: Joris-Jan van den Boom)

So, what is a guy to do? I think we know where this is going. Well, if you take my advice and plan ahead, you can bring your Jack Daniels in your hip flask, and when no one is looking, you can have a shot, or two, or add some to your plastic cup filled with the store brand cola, which you do not like even when you’re drinking soda by itself. Oh, that’s right, your sister-in-law is a lousy cook, but does not know it, so the food won’t be much better. Plus, Jimbo gets distracted and always burns the hot dogs and hamburgers, so you really need your hip flask to help you get through the day!

hamburgers - katy warner

Credit: Katy Warner

You do remember, though, that for the boy turning sixteen, it is a big deal, and you will be the hero of the day, because you did manage to get him the best gift he will receive at the party, through your connections and astute planning, so that will make it all worthwhile. Obviously, you can’t buy him a flask (he is under 21!). Unless you make him swear that he won’t drink any alcohol until his big day. But the real reason that you will get through the day is the fact that your flask filled is with “Old #7”….cheers!

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