Hip Flask Handbook part 1 – Don’t Throw Your Flask at a Bear!

The Hip Flask “Handbook” Says that…

  • Don't Throw Your Flask at a Bear!

    Photo Credit: Guido Gloor Modjib

    If you are ever in the woods, on a camping trip, and a large bear approaches the campsite, never throw your flask at him, because he may get annoyed, and tear apart the campsite, and as you all flee the scene, you will not even have your flask handy to comfort yourselves!

  • Likewise, never throw the flask out of the window of a moving vehicle, if you are disappointed that it ran dry. Flasks are refillable, and when cared for properly, they will last for years!
  • If you are in the jungle, and stranded, but you have your flask, it might help you in various ways. It can be used to drive a stake into the ground, it can be used to carry water, after you run out of alcohol, and it can be used to reflect the sunshine up towards a search plane or helicopter. (That is, of course, if it has a sleek stainless steel finish.)
  • When you are at a rock concert, and you drink from your flask, be careful not to throw it up in the air, in a sudden burst of excitement, because you may never see it again.
  • Also, when at a huge sporting event, and your team scores or wins, and everyone throws things in the air, like inexpensive pennants, or cheap ball caps, never throw your flask up in the air, because you may never see it again, and/or… it can hit someone in the head, knock them unconscious, and you could find yourself the victim of a lawsuit.
  • The Hip Flask Handbook also tells us that when the weather is extremely cold, you can fill the flask with something to keep you warm, and take a little sip now and then, and normal flask etiquette rules do not apply when the temperatures are below zero degrees fahrenheit.

Take good care of your flask, and it will take good care of you!

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